Sister: [*Simmons has threatened to call Red Command to confirm that Grif and his sister have to run*] You keep talking about them! Why don't you call *our* guys? Grif: "Our" guys? Sister: Yeah! The Blue guys! Simmons: Excuse me, the wazza-wha? Sister: The Blue guys! The guys that sent me here! In the big ship! Simmons: Grif? Grif: Uh, yeah... this might be a bad time to bring up the fact that my sister is colorblind. Simmons: WHAT? Sister: I don't get it! What's the gray guy so upset about? Simmons: But girls can't be colorblind! Sister: Yeah? Well, they say girls can't ejaculate either! But guess what? Grif: Yeah! Wait, what? Simmons: I can't believe it! It was such a simple espionage plan, the Blues have decimated our forces. Quick, quick, get me a shovel! Oh, Sarge is gonna be pissed!...
Church: There's no I in team Grif. Grif: Yeah? Well there's no U either. So if I'm not on the team and YOU'RE not on the team- then nobody's on the goddamn team! The team sucks!
Baby Alien: [Tucker makes a comment about Tex] Bow-chicka-honk-honk! Doc: Well, I guess you HAVE been teaching him some things. Tucker: Teach? That shit's genetic!
Grif: Hey, you're back! How'd the Humpday thing go? Simmons: Umm... Church: Oh, it went great, as long as you weren't on our team. Grif: So you lost. Church: Yeah, unless there's some new game type where you're supposed to catch the most amount of bullets with your torso. In which case, Simmons was the clear victor.
Doc: Leadership isn't about firing bullets and stabbing people Church, leadership is about telling OTHER people to fire bullets and stab people.
Doc: I'm a pacifist Caboose: You're a thing that babies suck on? Tucker: No dude, that's a pedophile. Church: I think he means pacifier... Tucker: Oh, I was thinking of something totally different.
Grif: What about HD DVD? Sarge: Bad marketing. Not enough repeated letters in the name to be catchy, so it's being replaced with HHDDVVDDBVD. Tucker: [speaking to Grif and Simmons about the jeep they are repairing] All my life I've had girls tell me 'Not if you were the last man on Earth' ha ha. Well that may be true, but lets see what happens when I'm the last man on Earth with a sweet ass pimped out ride Bitch!
Doc: I'm a pacifist Caboose: You're a thing that babies suck on? Tucker: No dude, that's a pedophile. Church: I think he means pacifier... Tucker: Oh, I was thinking of something totally different.
Church: Great. Tucker's out, Sheila's on the fritz, and now Doc is babysitting. Caboose, if we survive the next five minutes, I'll be fuckin' amazed.
Sarge: Hey does this shotgun barrel look clogged to you? [points a shotgun at the side of Churchs' head] Church: Sarge, I'm not gonna look in your shotgun. Sarge: [switches weapons] How about these rocket barrels?
Church: [after Tucker and Caboose imply that "someone" has put on weight] Are you guys talking about me? Caboose: We, uh, we didn't want to say anything... Tucker: Right. That's why we said something. Tucker: [Beat] Fatty. Church: Hey, back off, guys. I've been under alot of stress. I've been carrying this whole fuckin' team! Tucker: Where did you carry us, to the buffet?
Grif: But it was Simmons who found the underground cave. Grif: By trying to bury you alive! Sarge: A tactic that was clearly multi-layered, once again Simmons' treasonous insurrection proves to be the glue that hold this unit together.
Church: [momentary pause*] ... Dibs. Simmons: What? Church: Dibs. I just called dibs. It's my ship now. Dibs. Simmons: No it isn't, jackass! We found it first! Church: Yeah, but you didn't call dibs; I did. Dibs. See? Grif: You can't call dibs on a spaceship! That's ridiculous! Church: Heh, yes I can! Dibs! See? I just did it again. Now, get the fuck away from my ship, Tomato Can. Simmons: Don't call me "Tomato Can"! Grif: Try and take it then! Church: Um, okay... Sheila? [Sheila suddenly appears behind Church*] Sheila: You bet! [points her turret at Simmons and Grif*] Grif: Fuck! You forgot about that too, didn't you? Simmons: Yeah, kinda. Sheila: Now step away from the ship, Tomato Can! Grif: Ha ha, "Tomato Can"! Sheila: You too, Lemon Head! Grif: Hey, I'm orange, not yellow!
Sarge: [Tex has finished repairing Shelia, and is now attacking the Red Base. Sarge is in the Warthog and radios Simmons] Simmons, I'm comin' around in the Warthog. Take the gunner position when I come by. Simmons: Right, Sir. Grif: I'll, uh, I'll just stay here. Simmons: Yeah. Stay and guard this cement wreck. It's vital to our success. [Simmons jumps into the gunner position of the Warthog] Simmons: I'm in, sir. Sarge: [they drive off towards Sheila] Good. Here's the plan, Simmons [Tex blasts the Warthog, and Simmons flies off] Sarge: Yowza! Grif: [Sarge and Simmons run back to Red Base] Wow. You guys back so soon? Win the war already? Simmons: Hey Sarge, you mind telling me the rest of the plan now? Sarge: If we survive this, I'm gonna kill the both of you... slowly... Sheila: [Shelia is still firing at the Red Base] Firing main cannon. Donut: [Donut runs up the stairs, while Grif, Simmons, and Sarge are cowarding in the other staircase] What are you guys doing up here? Grif: That chick with the black armor is back! Donut: What chick? The one who stuck a grenade to my head? Simmons: That's the one! Donut: The one who's the reason why I'm in this Light Red Armor? Grif: Donut, I understand the need to safeguard your masculinity, but it's so much faster just to say Pink. Donut: Ohhh, I've been waiting for this... [runs to edge of base, towards Sheila] Donut: HEY BITCH! REMEMBER ME? I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA'! [Tosses grenade at Tex and Sheila] Tucker: [Simmons and Grif look at grenade, grenade flies, Lopez/Church watches grenade, grenade flies, Tucker and Cabosse watch grenade] Wow. That girl has some arm... Tex: [grenade lands in Tex's lap] Oh, CRAP! Donut: HELL YEAH! THREE POINTS, YOU DIRTY WHORE!
Church: So just remember, the Internet can be a very scary place if you're not prepared. Grif: How do you recommend they prepare? Church: I don't know. Try going to your local middle school chess club. Hand out crystal meth and drugs. That might be good practice.
Grif: [*Grif starts his "eulogy" for the "dead" Sarge*] Hey everybody, it's great to be here! Well, what can I say about a guy like Sarge? I mean, besides "good riddance!"? Hoooo! [*both he and his sister chuckle*] Grif: Ha-ha. But seriously. Sarge lived a great life. And now that he's dead, our lives are pretty good too. Zing! Ha-ha-ha-ha! You know what I'm talkin' about. Sarge: Come on! Is this a remembrance or a roast? Grif: Quiet in the front row! And I'm not askin', and he's not tellin', but I heard when Donut first came to the base, Sarge spent a lot of time talking about glazed Donut holes, if you know what I mean! Hi-yo! Simmons: Too soon! Grif: Hey now.
Vic: Hey dude. Church: Vic! Hey, it's Church. Vic: This is Vic, at 555-V-I-C-K, doo doodleydoo. I'm not in the casita right now so leave your low-down at the ding-dong. Hasta. Church: Hey Vic, this is Church. I need ta... Vics voicemail: You have reached the voice mail system. Church: [sighs] Okay okay, come on. Vics voicemail: To leave a message, just wait for the tone. Church: I know how to leave a goddamned message. Vics voicemail: When you are finished recording, just hang up, or push pound for more options. Church: Really, "Hang up," no shit. I was just going to keep on talkin' until he decided to check his voicemail. Vics voicemail: For delivery options, press five. Church: [angrily] Just give me the damn beep! Vics voicemail: To leave a callback number, press eight. To page this person, press six. Church: *COME ON*! Vics voicemail: To repeat this message, press nine. Church: [evenly] I will fucking stab you computer phone lady! Vics voicemail: [some time later] To mark this message as urgent, press eleven. Church: [yelling] There is no eleven you *fucking WHORE*! Frank DuFresne: Ooh, language. Vics voicemail: [some more time later] To hear these options in Spanish, press dos. Church: I *hate you*! Vics voicemail: [beep] Church: Vic, it's Church. I need y... Vics voicemail: I'm sorry, but this person's voice mailbox is full. Church: [frustrated] Uhchmmm... I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself.
Tucker: [Tucker meets his "baby" for the first time] Uh, what do I do? Church: Why are you asking me? Tucker: I don't know how to be a dad! This isn't the way I planned it. Church: You *planned* this? Tucker, I had no idea... Tucker: No, no, I mean I always wanted to have that ideal father-son relationship. You know, where I see him for, like, 8 hours every other week and send checks to someone that I hate.
Tucker: Bow Chicka Bow Wow.
[Talking about who will go on the 'Quest for the Sword'. Church and Tex admit that they aren't going] What? Then who? [Looks at Caboose] -Tucker
0 comentários:
Postar um comentário